Cleansing the Mind, Mending the Heart
by brachan90
Summary: Linka struggles to cope with the pain of withdrawal from Bliss, the grief of her cousin's death, and the shame of what she did while taking the drug. Caution  drug references.


_**Cleansing the Mind, Healing the Heart**_

A/N: This little story is set directly after the episode "Mind Pollution", in which Linka and her cousin, Boris, are addicted to a drug made by Verminous Skumm, known as Bliss. While, at the end of the episode, the pain that Linka is going through is alluded to, I felt that it would make a great plot for a story.

Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction, in no way linked to the series _Captain Planet and the Planeteers_. All characters are used without permission, but I'm not making any money off this, so I hope it won't matter too much.

XXXXXX

Rats. There were rats everywhere. Huge, dog-sized rats, clawing at her legs. Linka held up her hand, and tried to blow them away with her ring, but the ring did nothing. She could not summon the power of the wind.

Suddenly, the rats changed. They became people, with eyes emptied by addiction. They, too, clawed at her legs, moaning, "Bliss."

Linka cried that she had none. That she had none even for herself to dull the immense pain she was feeling. And then, the all people were gone, save one.

Boris laughed maniacally. "Linka, you must try Bliss. It is _wonderful_."

"No, Boris, no! It will kill you!" she cried to her cousin, but he had already swallowed a handful of the pills.

She watched him lurch forward, laughing again. Then the laugh stopped. Boris was lying on the ground, his unseeing eyes staring back at her.

With a gasp, Linka woke. The rats were gone, so was Boris's body, but the pain remained. A lingering combination of withdrawal and grief. As her body roared for the drug, Linka closed her eyes again and gave a little sob. She willed herself to enter that dream world were Boris still existed, even if it meant reliving his death over and over.

"Drink this, babe," a soft and caring voice whispered.

A cup was held to her lips, and she managed to gulp down some water. It did little to ease her pain, but at least her mouth was no longer dry. Linka opened her eyes, and stared directly into Wheeler's pale blue eyes.

"_Spasiba_…I mean, thank you," she croaked, turning away. The grief had been joined by new emotions – shame, guilt.

For the past three days Linka had lay on her camp bed inside the tent which formed part of a makeshift medical centre. Doctors were flown in to detoxify the addicts of Bliss, to help them through the pain of withdrawal. For those three days, the other Planeteers had remained in Washington. Kwame, Gi and Ma-Ti had spent the time helping the doctors where they could. Consoling those, who like Linka, had lost someone to the drug.

But Wheeler had not left Linka's side. He held her hand while she cried. He helped keep her still while the doctors gave her medicine. He brought her water when she needed it, and food when she could eat. He was there when she drifted off into uneasy dreams, and there when she woke again, in a cold sweat. Usually, he would be awake, ready for her, but on a few occasions, Linka had woken to find him asleep, with his head rested on her pillow.

And every time she saw him face, etched with worry, Linka would feel the shame bubble to the surface. Memories came flooding back of the things she had done, the words she had said while Bliss had clouded her mind.

She remembered threatening to blow away anyone who tried to take the drugs from her – and she knew, in her heart, that she would have done it, if her ring had worked. She would have willingly killed her friends for a fix. The thought sickened her.

But the one memory that haunted her most – more than even Boris's death – was the memory of offering Wheeler a pill. She had tried to drag him into Hell with her. And she had done so by using his attraction to her.

As a rule, Linka never used her looks for personal gain. She was good-looking, she knew that. She also knew that some girls would use such looks to get what they wanted – to convince men to be their slaves. Linka was not such a girl. She hated being seen as a "hot chick".

At yet, the drugs had shown she was capable of such a disgusting act. _Try one, Wheeler. For me?_ She had batted her eyelashes, pressed her body against his, and she would have done a great deal more if he had not pushed her away. She had known that he wanted her, and she had used that knowledge. Disgusting.

Now, Wheeler's care made the shame much worse. Despite what she had done, he had remained by her side. It was not just desire that he felt for her. Linka did not know if it went so far as love, but there was something there. She saw it in his eyes.

"I know it hurts, Linka, but you'll get through this," Wheeler was saying.

"_Da_, I will." She still could not look at him.

There was uncertainty in his voice when he spoke again. "Do you…do you want me to leave?"

Tears formed in her eyes. The shame burned, but without Wheeler's presence, she knew she would not be able to stand the pain. "_Nyet_, Wheeler. Please stay."

"I'll stay here forever if I need to."

She did not need to look at his face to see his expression.

XXXXXX

Wheeler watched Linka sleep. She had eventually drifted off again, into a world of nightmares. Her face contorted in pain as she slept. It almost broke his heart. He wanted to hold her in his arms, and never let her go.

"How do you do this to me, Linka?" he asked, quietly, knowing she would not answer.

It was a question which had plagued him ever since he had seen her empty eyes staring at nothing.

A rage like nothing he had ever felt had risen inside him when Skumm had handed her the pills. Wheeler had seen many of his friends stumble down the path of drug addiction, but this was different. The thought of Linka's incredible mind being polluted by those chemicals made his blood boil.

And, of course, there was the terrifying thought that he had almost lost her. Seeing the death of her cousin made Wheeler realise how close Linka had come to joining Boris. How many more pills would it have taken to remove her from his life? Once or twice, Wheeler had tried to imagine a world without Linka, but could not. And he knew that he would not survive in a world without her.

And it was then he had realised that he felt something for Linka that he had never felt before. There had been hints in the past – like when he had endangered himself and led Greedly's dragon away from her helpless form in Thailand, but he would have done the same for Gi. It had taken that view of seeing her so helplessly dependant on a pill to make him realise what he felt.

He was certain that he loved her. There was no other explanation for the feelings that filled his heart and mind every time he looked at her.

Linka moaned quietly in her sleep, her arms flailing in front of her, as she tried to fight off an unseen terror. Wheeler touched his hand to her cheek, and she calmed a little. A sad smile graced his lips.

Did she feel it too? Did her heart flutter when she looked at him? When she said that she wanted him to stay, was it because she could not handle not having him near? Was he the only one who could help her through this nightmare? Did she – could she – love him too?

That was something Wheeler desperately wanted to know. Did she even realise how she felt for him? It was obvious she knew he held feelings. He shuddered at the memory of her waving one of the Bliss pills at him, urging him to take it, _for her_. It terrified him just how close he had come to taking the pill, if it meant she would be his. Because he knew he would do anything for her.

_But that wasn't Linka_, he reminded himself. _The Linka you love would never try to hurt you like that._

"You should rest, my friend," a voice said, from the entry of the tent.

Startled from his thoughts, Wheeler looked up to see the youngest Planeteer looking at him with a combination of concern and admiration. "Ma-Ti, you startled me."

"I am sorry," said Ma-Ti. He sat next to the American. "Forgive me, but you look terrible. You need to rest."

Wheeler shrugged. "It's you guys who have been doing all the work. I heard someone else committed suicide yesterday. It must be hard having to console everyone else."

"You are indeed right. I can feel the pain radiating from everyone – the addicts, the families and the doctors alike. Kwame and Gi are physically exhausted from all the assistance they have been giving the doctors." Ma-Ti shook his head. "But Wheeler, you are emotionally drained from staying by Linka's side. I can feel it."

"I don't care," Wheeler growled. "I'm not leaving her. She needs me."

"And she will need you more when she is well. It will do her no good if you have nothing left to give her."

Wheeler could see the boy's point – and it impressed him to hear one so young be able to think so deeply. But still, Linka had wanted him to stay. He worried at how she would react if she woke to find him gone.

Ma-Ti must have known Wheeler would see it this way, and he smiled sadly. "I am sure I can find another camp bed to set up in here. I will watch Linka, while you sleep by her side."

"Will you wake me if she calls for me?" Wheeler asked. He had slept very little the last three days – only ever short naps, with his head on Linka's pillow. He was indeed exhausted.

Ma-Ti smiled. "Of course."

"Then I don't need a camp bed." And with that, Wheeler threw himself upon the ground, and fell asleep.

XXXXXX

The dream had been worse this time. She had seen Boris bleeding to death. Shards of glass had ripped at his flesh. And the other memories had worked their way into the dreams as well. Gi, Kwame and Ma-Ti had stood between her and a huge pile of Bliss. Linka had tried to blow them away – and when her ring had again failed her, she had tried to physically attack them. As she pounded against Kwame's chest, he changed into Wheeler. His crystal blue eyes had looked at her in horror, and Linka realised that she had a knife in her hand, and had been driving it into his chest.

Wheeler had fallen to the ground, joining the bodies of Boris, Kwame, Gi and Ma-Ti.

It had been much harder to wake up from this dream, and her head was throbbing when she finally forced her eyes open.

A set of dark eyes peered back at her, instead of blue. Linka gasped and recoiled, remembering the dream, before realising that Ma-Ti had taken over Wheeler's post.

"I did not mean to frighten you, Linka," Ma-Ti said, softly. "Wheeler needed to rest." He motioned to where Wheeler was out cold on the tent's floor.

"He did," she whispered in agreement. "I guess I have just become accustomed to him being here whenever I wake." She looked at her fingers self-consciously. "It helps me deal with the pain."

"But there is something else."

It was a statement, not a question. Linka glanced at Ma-Ti. Could he sense the shame radiating from her? She and Wheeler had been alone when she had offered him the pill. No one knew what had happened between them – unless Wheeler had told them, and she sincerely doubted that he would have.

"Whatever is upsetting you, Linka, you need to tell Wheeler about it," Ma-Ti continued, calmly. "He will not be himself again, I think, until you tell him."

Fresh tears formed in Linka's eyes, partly out of relief that Ma-Ti had not pushed her to tell him what was wrong. "_Da_, I will tell him, Ma-Ti." Ignoring her pain, she reached over, and took one of his hands in her own. "Please forgive me for what I have done."

Ma-Ti smiled at her. "You did nothing wrong. Your mind was polluted. There is nothing to forgive." He placed his hand on her forehead. "Now sleep, Linka."

Linka heard him whisper the word "Heart", before she fell into a completely dreamless sleep.

XXXXXX

Two days later, the doctors deemed that Linka was well enough to be taken to her uncle's house. She was, in fact, well enough to go back to Hope Island, but she wanted to stay for Boris's funeral.

"She was not taking Bliss for as long as many of the others," one doctor explained to the other Planeteers, as Linka changed her clothes. "Her system should be completely free of the drug now, and she has recovered well from her withdrawal pains. However, the loss of her cousin will still affect her, and she will need the support of her friends."

"She'll get it," Wheeler stated. He was anxiously waiting for Linka to emerge from the tent.

A moment later, she did, looking tired and drawn, but better than she had in days. She even managed a small smile. Wheeler held out her hand, and she took it. He squeezed it to let her know he would be with her, no matter what.

XXXXXX

Linka's uncle, Dmeitri, greeted them as warmly as he could when they knocked on the door. All of those who had fled the city during the Bliss crisis had moved back, but many were still wary, and Dmeitri had lost his only son.

"Oh, Linka, come here child," he cried, gathering her into a huge hug.

"Forgive me, Uncle," she sobbed, guilt rising once more. "I could not save Boris. I…I did not try hard enough."

"No, Linka. You did what you could. I am just thankful I did not lose you also." Dmeitri glanced over to the others. "And I am certain I have you four to thank for that. Please, my home is your home for as long as you need."

While three of the Planeteers thanked Dmeitri, Linka found Wheeler's eyes. They were fixed on her with the same concern he had shown while she went through detoxification. She made up her mind – she needed to tell him she was sorry for what she had done.

"Wheeler, will you walk with me?" she asked, quietly.

"Sure thing, babe, lead the way," he replied, taking her hand.

Linka took him to the garden. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, she finally found her voice.

"There is something I need to tell you."

She was surprised when he nodded, and said, "Yeah, me too."

"Wha-What do you want to tell me?"

"No way. You first."

Linka was warmed by the fact that Wheeler could make her smile, no matter the situation. She made herself look into his eyes.

"Wheeler, I am…so very sorry for what I did," she whispered, in a wavering voice. She bit her lip, holding back the tears which threatened to start at any moment.

"For what you did?" Wheeler repeated. "Babe, you didn't do anything…"

"I…I tried to make you take Bliss. It could have been you that died, instead of Boris." She covered her eyes with her hands. "I am sorry."

Wheeler wrapped his arms around her. "Linka, you couldn't help it – it was the drugs that made you do it."

She shook her head, determined to make him understand _why_ she felt so bad. "The drugs could not have known that you are…that you like me."

Realisation dawned on Wheeler's face, and he said quietly, "Oh."

"I have never done anything like that before – and I would never do it again, especially not to you. Please forgive me."

The tears finally broke free, and it was a good few minutes before Linka was calm enough to look up into Wheeler's face. It was a shock to see tears on his cheeks, but he was still able to smile back at her.

"Wheeler, I am…"

He silenced her with his index finger. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for, babe. And even if there was, I'd forgive you. I wouldn't have spent the last week looking after you if I didn't."

She gave a tearful laugh. "_Da_, that is true." She stood on her tip-toes, and kissed him softly on the cheek. "And I would not have made it through that time if you had not stayed by me. Thank you, Yankee."

Wheeler grinned. "Anytime, Princess."

Linka sniffled, and wiped her eyes. She felt as though a huge load had been lifted from her chest, and she knew that it had nothing to do with being free from addiction. She was now also free from the shame that had caused almost as much pain.

There was something else, too. She could not put her finger on it, but knew that it had something to do with the way her heart had pounded when Wheeler had looked at her. The feeling of safety she had felt in his arms. It was something she did not understand, but for now, it did not matter.

Suddenly, she remembered that Wheeler had wanted to tell her something. "You said you had something to tell me, Wheeler."

But he simply smiled. "Doesn't matter. Wasn't important. Now, let's get back inside. Your uncle probably wants to spend some time with you."

XXXXXX

Wheeler really did not know how Linka managed to stand in front of that large group of people at her cousin's funeral and deliver the eulogy she had written. She spoke in Russian, but although Wheeler only understood a few words, he knew exactly what Linka was saying.

The same went for the conversation they'd had in Dmeitri's garden. Wheeler had been planning to tell her Linka that he loved her – the only way he could think of to find out if she felt the same way. But he had not needed to. He had seen it in her eyes as she had apologised for her actions, and thanked him for his support. Her eyes had sparkled the way his own did when he looked at her.

Her eyes found him once again, as he sat in the crowd with their fellow Planeteers. Through her tears, she smiled at him, and he caught his name amongst the foreign words she spoke. Wheeler returned the smile, feeling his heart warm as he did.

He now knew that she loved him, as he loved her. There had been no need to speak the words. A time would come when he would say it aloud (and he hoped that she would say it back), but for now, knowing was enough.

The End

XXXXXX

A/N: Well, what did you think? I wish I could have included more Wheeler/Linka romance (like Wheeler actually telling Linka that her loves her), but I was trying to keep within the series cannon, and it seemed to me that it wasn't until the later series that a proper relationship was shown between the two. I am currently working on a couple of other stories revolving around W/L (they were always my favourite characters!), so look out for them :)


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